I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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