I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
