living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize