where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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