I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize