I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
