Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
