john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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