My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Say something about gay babies.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
