I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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