I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
