i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
