enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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