Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am available for nakedness
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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