I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
