OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
