i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize