the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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