So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
