3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
40s are totally the cure
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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