sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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