i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
