Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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