I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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