That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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