dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
