The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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