never play flip cup with pint glasses
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
