he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
