The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize