Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
