she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
