hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
