you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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