I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
