3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
