I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
