I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
