Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I love you. Go after that dick
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize