she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
