I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
