Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
