I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
