i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
