I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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