hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I supernannyed him into submission
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
