The best revenge is premature balding
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
