Whod you bang
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
