I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
