Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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