On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
