it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
