as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
