i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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