I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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