i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
