both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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