and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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