Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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