You're my little dorito
wat bout pragnant strippers??
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
