i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
