Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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