At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
