I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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