I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
