There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
