I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
