I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
