Im at strip club and am horny
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
