Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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